Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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