Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
