at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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