dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
