If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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