I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
