Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
