the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
