We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
