please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
im six kinds of drunk right now
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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