So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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