Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
