wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
