So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
