i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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