Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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