This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
