i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
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We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
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Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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