You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
