They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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