i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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