woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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