hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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