i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize