My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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