If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
