u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
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