I love black thongs
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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