he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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