somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
