my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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