Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
