none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
