waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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