Dual....:-)
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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