Fine. I'll sleep in my office
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Randomize
