genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
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