Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
