Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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