I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
