Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
