I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sacagawea was the original milf.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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