I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
