i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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