part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
