Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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