he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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