Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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