i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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