uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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