I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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