I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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