so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
