I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
