I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
