He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Walk of Shame today included voting.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
