Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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