Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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