I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
