Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
