Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
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