Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
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Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
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YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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