yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
