wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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