I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
