oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
