Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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