He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
