Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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