what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
