She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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