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dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My vagina is officially offended.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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