what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Sorry my hands just texted you
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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