You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
