My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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